Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
