I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
