please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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