if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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