Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
