I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
