We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
