i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
