You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Are we still banned from the library?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
