9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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