john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
