There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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