Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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