My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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