Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
