I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
