Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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