'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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