she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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