she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
