my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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