Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
