Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
