Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
