thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
my penis made a compromise with my morals
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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