I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
