remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
