dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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