What a fucking waste of an outfit
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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