i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
