I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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