I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
