And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
