He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
