genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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