I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
