1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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