i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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