I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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