I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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