I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
