My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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