i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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