it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
