You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
