Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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