I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
