why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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