So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
