I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
