are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
