This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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