"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
