I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
